Of british polly pockets, groovy girls, fish, music, strange blue creatures and what was a beautiful friendship.

Hey, Bernsie.
Long time no see.
Longer time no talk.
And were we ever really friends, or was it just another figment of my way-wacked imagination?

Nawh, we were definitely friends.
Because, little do you know I mourned you for a year and a half like you were dead,
not sitting four seats down from me in math.

And I'm just writing this to say;

I never hated you.
No matter how much I said it, when asked in games of truth, it was a lie.

I never hated you, not really; I just missed you desperately.

But not anymore.
It's been a long eighteen months, and now, finally, I'm ready to put this behind me.
I have my eyes set on new horizons, in my eyes your sun has set.

But as well as writing to say goodbye, I write to say thanks; and to pay tribute to our friendship that was epic while it lasted.

I think it's a shame, that we never visited the stock cars a second time. Remember that tee-shirt I wanted to buy, and how we timed you running halfway around the track and back again?

Remember our "make believe" games with groovy girls and miniature, british polly pockets;
there was the orphanage and the clock tower; I always played the angel and you the teenyest tiniest one of them all. She was a little girl in a blue dress, and one time we thought that I'd lost her, but we found her again.

I remember having my first ever taco at your Thorndon (?)  house,
there we watched the world through your dream catcher and played barbie airplanes. That was when I discovered your email address, which I've never forgotten, never.

There was that time, we stayed up late playing on your playstation in that room which was not your room;
it was in that apartment above the felix cafe.
Then your sister and her friend came in and we went to their room where we played marco polo and then had a wee dance party;
the music was up too loud and your mom came storming in.

I was the only one who made it to my hiding place in time; under the desk. You didn't have enough time to jump into the closet, and I just sat there, quivering like a jelly while you all took your punishment. I'll never stop feeling bad for that moment.

I think I trusted you, and you were the one I told about any crap at that awful school; and though I was at the worst of my bratty self you never complained, once.

I think that it was that bratty behavior that ended our friendship, in the end.
 But we haven't spoken in forever, so I guess I'll never know.

I used to desperately long to be your friend again, I felt I would've done anything just to have an eye to eye conversation with you.

I lost the mini pac-man ghost key ring you got me from a mystery box, I think I got it because you were staying at my place for a double sleep over while your parents were out. One day, I turned around to open my back-pack, and there was just a screw dangling from a clip. I searched and searched, and then felt like crying. It was one of my last keep-sakes from you, and I'd lost it. And I'll never get another one, I don't think, what are the odds?

Remember making up our own Collie+Bernsie version of the phineas and ferb theme song? Remember making up that dance to that song which had the line : "and the love shines over the horizon"

I remember singing next to you in choir, and how we loved that groovy song that Miss Manning had given us to learn. I remember how MM wasn't your favorite person in the world, to say the least.

I remember treating you like absolute crap almost all the time, and you were always a star of a friend.

I remember us both learning Na'vi, practicing our movement by playing with my bow and arrows, hurdling over the couch.
You were Pam'tseo and I was Neynat, we were friends forever.

I remember our parents saying that our friendship would last a long time.
It's quite funny how wrong they were.
It's also the saddest thing ever.

I remember, when discussing high schools, you told me you were going to East because of the music department;
and I was to go to Girls, but in a moment of rashness I promised to you that I would go to East too.

Do you remember all that?

Do you remember that night I felt sick at your party and had to go home? My pirate party?  My absolute crap/fail paintball party? Where I did a kammo run?

We once took a shower in matching outfits, just for the hell of it. We went to the old arcade and spent gagillions of tokens on that deep sea game, the best fun ever.

Remember flippa ball, and ballet? How we'd bus down to our separate ballet schools together, but before we hit the station we'd stop at subway and take turns to buy the pair of us cookies. Those were the days; sunshine, cookies and dirty ballet slippers.

And we bussed to flippa ball with Alice and Simone, bumping down the bus, stowing our bags under seats and trying to balance in the isle. Buying four-cokes-for-a-dollar, at the time it seemed a great deal! Remember playing tag in the kiddies pool? Me shrieking in the cold water of the big pool?

Remember hiding with nicky boy up on the roof from the grown ups? With proper supplies and a shelter and everything.

Remember yelling obscene and rude words from that same roof, hearing the echo in the valley below and cackling wildly, we felt like such rebels back then.

You wanted to be a marine biologist and I wanted something new everyday.

I hardly know you
I hardly knew you
But it felt like I did.

And it's only now I see how brilliant you really are, in contrast to the mundane being that is I. You get excellence, I pass, you win a prize, I try not to be laughed at, you're pretty, I'm ugly.

I remember that when I first though I was fat, you were the first person to say that I was being stupid.

I was never this low all the time, never this sad, so when did it all begin?

It began by me writing that post about you: Left

The the floodgates burst open and I've been spiraling downwards ever since.

And I was told to read "Uglies", you were right, it IS a good book :)

But what does it matter, me writing all this?
You'll never read it.

Admittedly, the last time I said that the person in question did read it, and my life became even more suckish and silly.

But I just wrote this to say goodbye,
and to remember better times,
and to pay tribute
to what was once
an epic
friendship.

(There are a gagillion more memories, and I'll do a follow up post if other people comment (when is that going to happen this side of the century?) )