When I was little I couldn't wait to be fourteen.
Well here I am, fourteen and nowhere.
I want to reach into the past and pick up my younger self, and rattle her until she's dizzy. "YOU HEAR THAT", I will say, "THAT IS THE SOUND OF A LUNATIC, THE SOUND OF SOMEONE WHO HAS NOTHING TO LOOSE".
Then maybe, my younger self could go and jump off the roof, an action fueled by fright, perhaps she could save us the trouble of having to do it later, prevent the tears and the bloodshed.
My life is filled with stars, sparkling from the sky, and I am a tree, rooted firmly to the ground, and only the wildest storms can fling me to the heavens. I am rooted down, down with the nowhere kids, with the poor and homeless and stupid. I walk around like a cuckoo clock, wandering in circles till I'm dizzy. Open and close the doors. Push in the chairs. Un -blinking, staring off into space, a million miles from anywhere and nowhere. I am a robot; for obey commands, no real purpose, there is no life inside, I am just an empty metal shell.
I was up shit creek, and I had found my shovel, but then there was a landslide and I am now without a spade again, caved in and fighting to survive.
Time goes on. Tick tock on the clock, where is the party that don't stop no, oh oh whoa, oh oh whoa. My wanderings have taken me to the yard and a cold breeze rustles me from my trance like state. I hold up my hands, and flex my fingers as if for the first time. Such a simple action moves me to tears, and suddenly I am lying in the grass, sobbing helplessly into my red tee shirt, my shoulders hunched over and shaking. This is me at fourteen. This is what my life is. Trapped by my tears.
You must lie in your bed the way you made it, they say.
Well my bed is nowhere to be found.
The only place I can lie in is my grave.
AUTHORS NOTE: Hope you liked it, no worries, completely fictional, this post is dedicated to all the depressed and down teenagers in the world.
Well here I am, fourteen and nowhere.
I want to reach into the past and pick up my younger self, and rattle her until she's dizzy. "YOU HEAR THAT", I will say, "THAT IS THE SOUND OF A LUNATIC, THE SOUND OF SOMEONE WHO HAS NOTHING TO LOOSE".
Then maybe, my younger self could go and jump off the roof, an action fueled by fright, perhaps she could save us the trouble of having to do it later, prevent the tears and the bloodshed.
My life is filled with stars, sparkling from the sky, and I am a tree, rooted firmly to the ground, and only the wildest storms can fling me to the heavens. I am rooted down, down with the nowhere kids, with the poor and homeless and stupid. I walk around like a cuckoo clock, wandering in circles till I'm dizzy. Open and close the doors. Push in the chairs. Un -blinking, staring off into space, a million miles from anywhere and nowhere. I am a robot; for obey commands, no real purpose, there is no life inside, I am just an empty metal shell.
I was up shit creek, and I had found my shovel, but then there was a landslide and I am now without a spade again, caved in and fighting to survive.
Time goes on. Tick tock on the clock, where is the party that don't stop no, oh oh whoa, oh oh whoa. My wanderings have taken me to the yard and a cold breeze rustles me from my trance like state. I hold up my hands, and flex my fingers as if for the first time. Such a simple action moves me to tears, and suddenly I am lying in the grass, sobbing helplessly into my red tee shirt, my shoulders hunched over and shaking. This is me at fourteen. This is what my life is. Trapped by my tears.
You must lie in your bed the way you made it, they say.
Well my bed is nowhere to be found.
The only place I can lie in is my grave.
AUTHORS NOTE: Hope you liked it, no worries, completely fictional, this post is dedicated to all the depressed and down teenagers in the world.
Beautifully written!
ReplyDeleteI am so glad that is fictional... I would be really worried if it wasn't, but sometimes I know just what that feels like.
:)
Kamai6
OMG Anna that is so depressing! But written awesomely :)
ReplyDelete