Saying No

Looking out over the city,
down at the tiny people and cars,
to jump seemed like a great idea.

Watching the waves crash below,
and with may it be still ringing in her ears,
it actually seemed...appealing.

If you are to have an untimely demise,
it should at least be glorious.

A fitting finish.

She takes one step,
and then two,
but though her head is set her heart is less so.

Why so soon? A voice whispers.  
Why here? Why now? Why before Christmas?

"You know" the girl mutters angrily to herself,
it's just like her to be having doubts at this crucial stage.

The morning has been a disaster, as has the week.
It's like deja vu, every day, same routine over and over.
bus, pretend to sing, library, pretend to sing, bus....

And today... today she kept her word and tried to sing,
it was bad. awful. humiliating.
She felt like she was sinking,
sinking into a bog of doom and despair

But at least you tired...

The second voice is gaining, 
she finds her feet stuck, as if set in stone.

Tears prick her eyes,
why? she thinks,  
why make me live in this nightmare world

 And she finds herself answering her own question,
"Because you want to live."