Afraid

Embarrassment floods her face as she hurries down to them.

She hadn't needed to stand outside that long, they'd been there all along.

She is greeted by a smile, but she fights not to return it.

She knows she's being dumb, but she can't help it.

Not now.

Not now she might know.

She begins with the others,
but like many times before is shamed into silence.

Because unlike any other time,
this is a performance to the public.

And unlike the other times,
appearances are everything.

She presses against the wall as scary no.3 comes and sings beside her,

And all the time she is standing there, for every word she mouths, for every fake breath she takes, she is always asking her self, why? Oh why did I come if I wasn't going to sing?

And there is always that feeling, of insecurity, that wasn't so bad before.

And she is scared of 'her', because of who she might be.

because of what she might have seen, or read.

The world of cyberspace is not a scary place,
until it collides with the 'real' world.

But then she saw her.
The mother.
of a friend who missed out,
a friend who probably would give anything to be there.
So she decided,

and began to sing.

Sure, she may have sounded like a demented cat,

But she contributed.
And that's what counts, right?

And walking home in the rain,
her newly signed yearbook safely stored in her backpack,
amidst all the regret, anger, guilt and sorrow,
there is a small feeling,
of satisfaction.

(*authors note* sorry about crappy writing, you know when you're so tired but can't sleep?)