You

I nearly did it,
I nearly got a bottle of wine,
and downed my pills all in one.

It's meant to be like falling asleep.
But it seems like a pretty anti-climactic way to go.
And I haven't finished writing the letters yet.

 The thing is...

I am always,
always
being compared to you.

After all, I am fatter, slower, clumsier,
I was almost everything below you.
But I was smarter.
But that,
was then.

Now, it's official.
You, miss poster child of the year,
have also snatched that title from under my feet.

I could live with being uglier than you, but stupider?
No.

This, I cannot take.

Sure, I'm being unreasonable.
But it ain't easy, being belittled by someone younger than you,
almost everyday, of your entire stinking life.

I am green with envy,
red with shame,
almost every colour flits through my now kaleidoscopic eyes.

I want to melt into a puddle and evaporate in the sun.

Because, if I don't end it now,
this is going to be with me,
for every second,
for the rest
of my life.